Hello everyone welcome back to Hear and Now Podcast, my name is Sophia and in today’s episode we are going to be getting deep here, talking about what to do when life doesn’t go as planned. Thank you so much for listening to this episode, make sure you like our Facebook page at Hear and Now Podcast, follow me on instagram at @sophia_l21 and subscribe to us on iTunes and Spotify! As always, the link to the transcript of this episode will be in the show notes, or at sophialebano.com/podcast
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So, this isn’t easy to talk about. Part of having hearing loss means you need extra support in academic and other environments. This has always been a struggle for me. It’s not that people are purposely trying to see me fail, but to them, taking an extra step to do things was a problem. I never really understood why and was convinced that it was my fault that this was happening. Seeing many other friends and people in our hearing loss community struggle with the same problems as me, I feel like it’s time to be open enough to share my struggle and how I managed to cope with the same answer every year. I’ve been doing this for 12 years and feel like I’ve lost hope for education. Im not going to go too much into detail about my accommodations in this episode, but if you would like me to do so, go comment “yes!” on my most recent instagram post.
With having those accommodations, sometimes I have to make a choice. Do I stay and give them a second chance? Do I suffer through and get only a minimal portion of what I need? Do I stand up for myself for once and actually find my inner voice? The answer is yes. I’ve done all three of these things. And just yesterday, I chose to not suffer anymore and I withdrew after my first week in college. It sucks so bad because I was really hopeful that this place would give me what I needed. They promised left and right to do what they could to help me. And after only 6 days, it fell through. I cried and prayed that God would bring me home. It wasn’t about me being homesick. I was starting to get into a routine and found a good group of girls to sit on the floor and eat popcorn at 10pm while we rant about college. My inner sadness was not because of homesickness, but I knew that this just wasn’t going to work out.
I chose to be an adult, get out of my bed and stand up for myself because I deserve more. Less than 48 hours after I was hyperventilating in my bed until 12 am, I wrote a very strongly worded letter as to why I wouldn’t be returning. I found my inner strength and walked into the registrar’s office to hand them my letter of withdrawal. While my parents knew my desires and frustrations, I chose not to tell them until after it was done, I wanted to this myself even though I was scared to death. I was pulled into an office to explain my situation to the residence director, and she was upset, because the school failed. I felt a fire that I haven’t in a long time, because I realized my worth.
So, 12 hours later as I am sitting on my floor recording this podcast, I don’t have a plan. I thought I did, that I would spend 4 years working towards a degree that I would have a life long love for, end up with amazing friends and develop relationships with my professors that I would never forget. Then the record scratched. I no longer have a plan and thats okay. Its okay if you are a senior in high school and have no idea what you want to do or where you want to go to college. It is okay if you graduated college months ago and still do not have a job. Its okay if you have reached a point in your life where you need to rest. We all deserve more than we realize. We are all worth more than a stupid grade or listening to others tell you why they can’t help you. As I felt those hot tears rolling down my face the other night, I realized that God was holding my hand the entire time. He was only taking me along to leave my mark and impact on one place in time, even if just for a week. If nothing else, He helped me realize my worth and told me to share this with you. So if you don’t have a plan, that is okay! Pray about it. God will show those signs to you in whatever clever way He chooses. I always feel like I see mine on social media posts, whether it’s a quote, bible verse or saint of the day.
Instead of crying about it, use your situation for good. Take the time for rest, like God did, and pray. Pray that your situation can be used for positive impact. Pray that God shows you where He will lead you next. Pray that you find your inner strength, worth and dignity. It’s okay to admit you are lost. Ask God to guide you, because He always provides.
If you are in need of hope, know that the most famous and well-known book of all time, the Bible, features many stories of people who think they have it all together, but really don’t.
Here’s some examples: the Israelites wandered around searching for the promised land. But it took them 40 years. Mary never expected to give birth to the Savior. Queen Esther did not anticipate fighting for what she believed in. It’s happened for thousands of years. We think we have it all together, and then we turn around and a wave hits us.
It’s all a lot at once, but God is guiding us through. Pray!
So like I said, I don’t have a plan at this point. It’s ironic because last week I moved into college for the first time last week and there was this news reporter that happened to be there. He was recording my mom and I saying goodbye to each other. I’ve lived in the same home for 15 years. He asked my mom and I to do an interview. We were sobbing and had to pull ourselves together to be on camera in 5 minutes. My mom gets on camera and composes herself. The reporter asked us how we were feeling, what the emotions were like. My mom was really excited for the next journey in my life. She told him I had a podcast. When I got on camera he asked me some questions, and after stopping recording, he asked for my mom’s cell number to do a follow up regarding my podcast. We are in contact to talk about doing a full interview in the next few weeks. I want to see my podcast grow! I am in the process of finding guests for the podcasts. Lots of exciting things coming!
I’m rolling with whatever life throws at me. It’s annoying because I love to plan.
I’m going to leave you with this quote I saw on Pinterest, and hopefully it resonates with you
“Surround yourself with people who know your worth. You don’t need too many people in your life, just a few real ones who appreciate you for exactly who you are.”
Thanks so much for listening to this week’s episode of Hear and Now Podcast, my name’s Sophia and I will see you in the next episode! Bye!